Advanced Composition-Journals
Derreck Sunderland
Tina Miller
WRIT/320
July 5, 2021
Final Thoughts on Advanced Composition for the English Student
The class Advanced Composition for the English Student, is the most rewarding but challenging class I have taken at the University of Phoenix. The instructor, Tina Miller, takes the time to explain both my good and bad writing skills. The journal assignments are excellent exercises in not only writing but, also, in self-reflection. During the journal assignments, I focused mostly on the errors I had committed in the previous week’s assignments.
However, I found working with the groups frustrating. I have never had much success with groups, but such failures can be mostly attributed to group members who do not participate until the last day. I think group members are supposed to collaborate, not just do their part and upload it on the due date.
I have improved in the last four weeks, and with the skills I have gained from this class, I will continue to improve my writing as long as I write. I have many ideas. I just need to get started. If only I could write as eloquently as I think when I am walking in the woods, I would truly be a writer. I need to work on that more! Or maybe walk more in the woods!
Thank you, Tina, for such a challenging but rewarding class!
Derreck Sunderland
Tina Miller
WRIT/320
July 5, 2021
Week 5 Journal
I found working with a group a little frustrating. I believe that working with a group requires collaboration among members. Thus, the members should decide on common grounds and discuss the more specifics of the topic that the members have decided to write about. When each group member works on a part of an essay without first deciding on a thesis statement, then the essay seems to be more of a collection of individual essays on the general topic.
I had no problem writing on another topic since the topic the group chose is controversial. I write the introduction and one section. I wanted to write the introduction in a broad manner because the team members had not decided on the community that we would represent. Thus, I formed the thesis statement that would cover either the pros of disproportionate taxation or the cons of such.
The answers to these questions substantiate the proposition that the rich should (not) be required to pay a disproportional proportion of the taxes.
After the team members added their parts, I removed the (not), and the team came together on the thesis.
Everyone has a different style of writing, and whenever I read other people’s writings, I see things that should be rewritten. However, to do so requires that the entire paragraph be rewritten, and since there is a lack of collaboration among team members, and since the team waits until the due date to share their work, there is no time for rewriting.
Unfortunately, I did not see any evidence of group dynamics within the group although we had written an essay on group dynamics the week before. Group dynamics require more frequent communication, something that I tried but failed to inspire. Group dynamics demands that members share their work, ask for opinions and suggestions, and help proofreading. Group dynamics does not mean having each individual do a part and then uploading that part to the group on the due date.
I believe that our essay would have turned out a lot better if each group member had uploaded the first draft for other members to proofread and criticize. Proofreading and rewriting are the best tools and means of producing a well-written essay. Nevertheless, I believe that the essay for week 5 turned out well.
I learned that as an individual or group writer, I apply the same principles which are to start early, proofread attentively, and rewrite often. As an individual, I must remember to follow those principles. As a group member, I must encourage other members to adopt those principles.
Derreck Sunderland
Tina Miller
WRIT/320
June 28, 2021
Week 4 Journal
The creative writing assignment presented some challenges for me as I could not think of how I would write a creative piece from arguments about technology and climate change. The first week, I argued one point of view that I countered during the second week. The two opposing points of view create the possibility of conflict The third week, I compared the two opposing viewpoints and came up with the idea of the extremes, the technocrats on the one extreme, and the eco-freaks on the other extreme. The conflict become more apparent.
Since I had the conflict, I needed to create characters to represent each side of the conflict. For the technocrat, I developed Science Guy. For the eco-freak, I developed Daffodil. Next, I had to develop a plot, and that was the hardest part of the assignment. I decided that since the character of Science Guy is that of a scientist, I used an event where he would give a speech about the benefits of technology. However, Daffodil would need to confront Science Guy during the speech to expose the negative aspects of technology on the environment. Finally, I concluded the story when the audience, after rejecting Science Guy’s technological approach to a clean environment because of Daffodil’s pathetic appeal the people’s emotions, also had to reject Daffodil’s call to abandon technology to save the environment. The moral of the story is that, although people are empathetic toward the flora and fauna of the environment, they are not willing to sacrifice their luxury to let other creatures live.
I did not create an outline for my creative writing assignment. I only started writing with a vague idea in my mind. After developing the plot, however, I created some subheadings that I later removed. The subheadings helped me stay focused on the plot. For example, one of the subheadings was, Science Guy, another was Daffodil. Under those subheadings, I attempted to develop the character of each character. The next subheading was The Day of the Great Event. This is where I attempted to develop the plot when the two awoke and prepared for the event. I wanted to contrast the two. Science Guy awoke to a smart house whereas Daffodil awoke in a more natural setting.
The next subheading was, Going to the Event. This is where I think I had developed the best paragraph when I wrote:
Science Guy mounts his biofuel-powered helicopter as if it were a chariot and indicates to the piolet that he is ready to fly. The piolet and Science Guy ascend into the sky. Daffodil mounts her woman-powered mountain bike as if it were a magic broom and puts her passion to the pedals. Off they go to their meeting place, two different people with two different dreams, coming from two different directions by two different means of transportation; Daffodil peddling up the hill; Science Guy flying through the sky.
Actually, I came up with this paragraph while hiking in the desert. Oftentimes, I get stuck and find myself unable to think of something to write. When this happens, I need to step away from the computer and take a walk. Then my mind opens, and I can think. The only problem is that if I try to use my phone to make a note, my mind goes blank. So, the only way I can take advantage of my open mind is to try and remember what I was thinking about until I get back to my laptop and apply what I had thought about. I think this means of brainstorming ideas is preferred by me, especially while trying to write creatively.
Derreck Sunderland
Tina Miller
WRIT/320
June 21, 2021
Week 3 Journal
In the week 2 argument, I wrote two sentences that could have been written as one sentence. I was asked to reconsider rewriting the following two sentences as one sentence.
Further, mechanical noise is generated by the turbine itself. Whereas studies in Canada and Australia have concluded that such noise pollution does not impact public health (Environmental Impacts of Wind Power), the psychological health of the non-human critters of the Earth have not been considered.
In the first sentence, I referenced mechanical noise. In the second sentence, I, again, referenced such noise. These two sentences and their references should be combined to create a more concise and thus, more powerful sentence. I rewrote the following single sentence.
Whereas studies in Canada and Australia have concluded that the mechanical noise of the turbines poses a no public health concern (Environmental Impacts of Wind Power), the peace and well-being of the other non-human critters must be considered.
Although the word count (38 words) is only a little less than the word count of the first sentence (45 words), the rewritten sentence seems stronger. There is only one reference to mechanical noise. Also, the second sentence contains no to be verb.
Applying this rewrite technique to week 3 assignment, I noticed a couple of sentences that both of which uses the to be verb. They are in bold.
On the one extreme are the technocrats who insist they can offset the negative environmental consequences of technology with more technology. On the other extreme are the tree huggers who scream that only a complete renewing of our way of life will save the planet from ecological destruction.
Not only do these two sentences use the to be verb, my least favorite verb, both sentences are in the passive voice. After rewriting these two sentences, I wrote:
The technocrats, on the one extreme, insist they can offset the negative environmental consequences of technology with more technology. The eco-freaks, on the other extreme, scream for the absolute and a complete abandonment of technology and a graceful return to the glorious laws of Mother Earth.
The rewrite uses no to be verb nor a passive voice. I think the rewritten sentences sound stronger and clearer. Thus, the rewrite technique has been helpful for me in this week’s assignment.
I still feel like I need to outline my work more precisely. I seem to brainstorm an idea and then immediately start writing on the issue. This leaves me frustrated when I lose focus and begin writing content off topic. To keep my focus on a particular topic, I think I should, first, brainstorm an idea, then write a thesis statement and a simple, logical syllogism in support of that thesis statement. Then, the premises to the conclusion could become topic sentences of paragraphs within the larger essay. For example, if I claim:
Premise: The law demands that parole-eligible life prisoners must be released on parole unless some evidence indicates that they are currently dangerous.
Premise: The prison psychologists, the general staff, and four different panels of the parole board have all examined Leslie’s state of mind and determined that she is no longer a danger to society.
Conclusion: The governor’s decision to reverse Leslie Van Houten’s parole grant violates due process.
I never had problems with understanding plain logic. My frustration lies in putting it all together in larger essays. I think that a well-planned, flexible outline will help me write longer, more complicated essays as I progress.
Derreck Sunderland
Tina Miller
WRIT/320
June 14, 2021
Journal: My Writing Process
After reading the review from my week 1 argument, I realized that I need to create a more logical plan for writing my next argument. I decided to identify the elements of my argument such as the thesis and the support for the thesis. I first wrote the thesis statement. The thesis statement of Week 1 reads:
Although technology has enriched the lives of the people throughout the World, the adverse environmental effects of such manmade progress should not and cannot be ignored.
I made this statement the first sentence of the introduction paragraph. I should have written some text before to grab or hook the reader’s attention to my essay. So, after rewriting the antithesis of the Week 1 thesis, I added some text to gain the interest of the reader. Finally, I rewrote the thesis statement to follow from the text that I attempted to hook the reader’s attention.
I then made simple sentences in support of the thesis statement. Each of these simple sentences would function as a premise to the thesis and the topic sentence for each supporting paragraph. Since the original argument promoted three technologies, solar power, wind power, and biofuel, I made those topics the topic sentences of the supporting paragraphs. I research the adverse environmental effects of each of those technologies to add support for each of the topic sentences of each paragraph.
I still feel like I do not fully understand how to properly site a webpage that does not have a known author or easily identifiable author. However, I think I have done better since last week.
Procrastination is less of a problem for me since I started my assignment and completed the rough draft in time to proofread and make some changes. However, I still feel like the essay could be stronger. I realize that the more time I have to complete my writings, the better I will write. The problem is that I waste too much time doing other things such as watching YouTube videos about senseless topics. If I could manage my time better, then I think I would improve my writing.
While I work around the apartments, I listen to audiobooks. I was listening to a Great Course audiobook by Dorsey Armstrong who stated something that I have always known but sometimes need reminders on. She said that the more we read, the better we write. I often listen to and analyze the syntax of some of my favorite authors, and I think my writing will get better as I continue to do so.
Derreck Sunderland
Tina Miller
WRIT/320
June 7, 2021
Journal: My Writing Process
In the first paragraph, I developed the thesis of my essay on the application of technology to save the environment and combat climate change. I wanted to establish that technology has enhanced the quality of life for most people, and, therefore, could be applied to saving the environment from the adverse side effects of technology. I then attempted to write the next few paragraphs to establish how technology has enhanced the quality of life. Next, I wanted to discuss the adverse effects resulting from the use of technology.
I dedicated the next few paragraphs to developing specific information on the global environmental problem of climate change. Citing NASA (The National Aeronautics and Space Administration), I established that climate change is among the graver environmental disasters troubling the World. The NASA article discusses the greenhouse effect and asserts that the release of gases from burning fossil fuel is the culprit. Next, I discussed alternatives to the use of fossil fuel, ending the paragraph with a series of alternatives to fossil fuel. Each item in the series became a complete paragraph with subheadings referencing the alternative source. By expounding on each alternative source of energy, I attempted to advance the claim that alternative technology is the answer to the problems technology has created, thus substantiating the general thesis that technology can save the environment.
The process I employed was simple habit. I started writing with a vague plan and continued rewriting until I completed the essay. Although this process allows me to complete my assignments, my lack of a logical outline makes my writing process inadequate for longer, more complicated essays. Therefore, I need to learn how to outline my thoughts before I begin to write the essay.
Another weakness in my formal writing proper formatting. This problem especially troubles me whenever I must cite websites. The pdf I have on proper MLA citatioins is unclear as to the proper manner of citing websites, and an online search has only resulted in vague explanations to inform me as to the proper procedure.
I believe that I use complex sentences well, usually beginning a sentence with a subordinate clause and then connecting the subject of that clause to the main clause. In addition, I use transition words to make my writing easier to read. Proofreading helps me analyze the syntax of my sentence so that I gain a clearer view of how my writing might sound to the audience. Since I worry that my audience might find awkward or hard to understand, I try to proofread my text from the reader’s perspective.
Overall, I feel like my writing flows well and does not leave people confused or frustrated by my style. However, my feelings are subjective. Thus, I cannot say for sure that other people do not find my writing awkward and hard to read.