I Got You (Three Act Play)

 

I GOT YOU
CHARACTERS:
ANNA, a tall, thin, young woman with a skinny, long face and long, black hair, bangs draping down past her eyebrows, hiding her eyes. Her barefaced face exhibits a natural beauty, but her long bangs make it hard to see. A handbag hangs from her shoulder.
WAYNE, a young, short, skinny man with a thick, bushy mustache and light brown, shaggy bowl haircut. The bangs from his saggy hair drape down over his forehead but do not extend to his eyes. He sports a casual suit designed to wear without a tie.
Settings – a multi-story medical office building.
Time – modern but pre-covid times.
Formatting – Words in italics indicate thoughts. The word, la, represents a forgotten song lyric.

SCENE 1: THE LOBBY

(ANNA stands center stage in the lobby of an office building, facing an elevator door center left stage. She impatiently waits for her lift to the doctor’s office. WAYNE enters the lobby from a door center right, clutching his left arm as if he had sustained an injury. As WAYNE enters, ANNA scurries to the left corner of the lobby and covers her face with her long, black hair. She peeks her brown eyes through her hair and glances and WAYNE. She stares down at him since she is 4 inches taller. WAYNE walks over to the elevator and pushes the elevator button with his left hand.)

WAYNE: “Ouch!
ANNA: (ANNA looks back at WAYNE) What did you say! Are you a madman?

(In response to ANNA’s comment, WAYNE backs up front right stage to the diagonal corner opposite of ANNA to create as much distance as possible between ANNA and himself)

WAYNE: Oh! I’m sorry. I’m in, ouch! (He pauses, squints his eyes and then takes a deep breath) I’m in so much pain! I’m sorry, my name is WAYNE. What is your name?

ANNA: Painful WAYNE. Hum, well, my name is ANNA, and I feel the most painful pain of all. I got anxiety, and I am here to see a doctor about getting some anxiety pills!

WAYNE: Anxious ANNA. Well, ANNA, good luck with finding getting your pills. I don’t got anxiety. I got pain in my arm. I just need to get some pain pills for my arm. I fail down last night and hurt my arm. Yeah! It’s my fault. I had a little too much if you know what I mean.

ANNA: A little too much booze! You broke your arm you dumb drunk! Well, WAYNE, good luck on getting your pain pills. Pfffff! Why Is the elevator taking so long? I’ve been waiting for an hour, it seems. Is it broke?
(ANNA starts pacing back and forth backstage from left to right while WAYNE watches her as he waits for the elevator)
WAYNE: This lady needs to mellow out. Maybe she needs a drink. That’s what I need. So, ANNA, why do you got so much anxiety?
ANNA: (ANNA swings her entire body around and scurries backstage to the left corner and stares at WAYNE with an angry look then covers her face again with her long, black hair) I got anxiety because of people like you! (She then shakes her head, causing her hair to partially uncover her face then looks back down at WAYNE.) Why do you got pain?
WAYNE: Well, I got pain because I drank a little too much last night and fell down.
(The lobby becomes silent for a brief time except for the soft elevator music playing in the background. Both try with little success to avoid making eye contact with each other. ANNA continues to hide her face with her hair while glancing at WAYNE who cannot help but glances back at ANNA.)
ANNA: You think I’m ugly! Don’t you?
WAYNE: No! I have no opinion at all.
ANNA: I saw you looking at me, but when I catch you, you turn away. Why? Do you think I’m ugly?
WAYNE: There is nothing else in this lobby. I’ll try not to look at you, anymore. I’m sorry. I’ll just stare at the wall until the elevator gets here. Why are you staring at me?
ANNA: I want to make sure you don’t stare at me!
(ANNA and WAYNE continue to try and avoid eye contact, but occasionally glance at each other. Suddenly, the elevator door opens)
ANNA: Finally! (She then exits the scene left stage through the elevator door)
WAYNE: Maybe I should take the stairs to avoid this crazy lady (He exits the scene left stage through the elevator door)
SCENE 2: THE ELEVATOR
(ANNA enters the scene right center stage, turns, pushes the button to her destined floor, and scurries to the back left stage to the corner of the elevator. WAYNE enters the elevator from right center stage, turns around to choose his floor but does not select a floor. He steps to the front right to give ANNA more space. The door closes, and the elevator begins to ascend.)
ANNA: Finally! Let’s go. I just want to get some…!
WAYNE: I noticed that we are gong to the same floor.
ANNA: The pill floor. I got anxiety. So, I need pills. You got pain. So, you need pills. They keep all the pills on the same floor. I just want to get some pills and get out of here.
WAYNE: Me too! I just want to get some pills wash then down with…
ANNA: Booze! Are you a fool? You’re going to take your pain pills with booze? Watch! You will get drunk, fall down again and hurt your other arm.
WAYNE: Wow! Lady, you are rude! I should have taken the stairs! It was an accident. I didn’t mean to fall.
ANNA: Was it an accident that you drank too much?
(Suddenly, the elevator stops between floors. ANNA looks puzzled and scared. The elevator music continues to play at a low volume.)
ANNA: (ANNA looks confused) What just happened? We’re not moving.
WAYNE: Huh! I think the elevator stopped. I think we’re stuck.
ANNA: (ANNA screams) Noooo! This can’t be happening. I can’t take this anymore. It’s got to stop. I’ll stop it right now! (ANNA reaches into her bag, pulls out a cannabis vape pen, taps it five times to turn it on, takes in a draw, and exhales, filling the elevator with a cloud of vapor that slowly dissipates in the air. She smiles with relief). Phew!
WAYNE: I can’t this pain anymore, either! (WAYNE reaches into his jacket pocket with his right arm and pulls out a pint of bourbon, unscrews the top with left hand, gulps down a shot, and swallows) Ah!
ANNA: (ANNA stares at WAYNE with a look disappointment) You’re not supposed to be drinking in public!
WAYNE: And you’re not supposed to smoke in the elevator.
ANNA: (ANNA starts to rant) It’s not smoke. It’s vapor, not smoke, and I need it. I got anxiety. You don’t understand! Nobody understands! I got anxiety! Don’t you hear? I got anxiety! Do you know how horrible life is with anxiety? No! That is because you have never felt the kind of anxiety I feel. (ANNA continues to hysterically rant about her anxiety)
WAYNE: (Unable to control his frustration over ANNA’s hysterical rants, WAYNE, holding the bottle in his left hand, walks back left stage and thrusts the bottle toward her). Here! This will help with your anxiety!
(ANNA violently jerks the bottle out of WAYNE’s left hand.)
WAYNE: Ouch! (He then turns around and walks front right toward the corner. He stops center stage in the middle of the elevator and turns around)
ANNA: (She moves center stage and hands her vape pen to WAYNE) Here, this will help your pain. (She then puts the bottle to her lips, takes a sip, and hisses while shaking her head in disgust.) Blech! Yuk! That stuff is nasty! No wander they call it fire water! I feel like my breath is on fire. I don’t know how you can drink that stuff.
WAYNE: (He examines the vape pen) What is this? I’ve never seen anything like it before.
ANNA: (She points to the button on the vape pen) Just hold the button and inhale until the red light starts to blink.
WAYNE: (Following ANNA’s instructions, WAYNE draws from the vape pen and exhales a big cloud into the air and starts uncontrollably hacking). Cough! Cough! Cough! Wow! That stuff tastes like asphalt! What is that? Some kind of a hi-tec joint? I used to smoke pot in high school, but I never tried anything that strong.
ANNA: (ANNA takes another drink from the bottle) Yuk! Here, you can have your bottle. I’ll keep my vape pen. (She hands the bottle back to WAYNE while he returns the vape pen)
(ANNA returns back left stage to the corner while WAYNE returns front right stage. The two remained silent for a minute while the elevator music continues to play)
WAYNE: Hey, ANNA, what’s up with that music?
ANNA: (starting to laugh) Yeah! That music. (She then draws back her hair from her face, smiles at WAYNE and then turns and stares into space, again covering her face with her hair.)
WAYNE: (WAYNE chuckles a little) That weird joint wasn’t too bad.
ANNA: It isn’t a joint. It is a vaporizer.
WAYNE: Whatever! (He smiles). Hey, ANNA, what do you think about this music?
ANNA: (laughing) I recognize some of the songs that my grandparents used to listen and sing along to.
WAYNE: Yah! I remember my grandparents used to listen to that kind of music but with the words. This is only the instrumentals, not the lyrics.
ANNA: It’s pretty boring, isn’t it?
WAYNE: Yep! So, ANNA, why do you think people like me cause your anxiety?
ANNA: I know what you’re thinking when you look at my face. You think I’m ugly. Everyone thinks I’m ugly just because I refuse to wear makeup. Nobody would ever love me.
WAYNE: I think you’re crazy, but I don’t think you’re ugly. In fact, I think you are beautiful, naturally beautiful.
ANNA: (grabbing her hair with both hands, she throws it back to reveal her entire face then smiles at WAYNE with googly eyes.) Sounds like something my dad or uncle would say. Well, thank you, WAYNE. That is such a nice thing to say. So, why do you drink so much?
WAYNE: Life is so boring!
ANNA: Do you go to bars?
WAYNE: No, I don’t like bars. I don’t feel like I fit in with the people who hang out at bars. I am different. Nobody will understand me. So, I stay home and drink alone because I understand myself? You, along with the whole world would never understand me. So, ANNA, what do you do for fun?
ANNA: I hate social situations where I have to interact with other people. All the women wear makeup and look so beautiful, but I can’t stand to put that stuff on my face. It makes me feel too dry. I would rather have an ugly face than a dry face. I don’t need to be beautiful! So, I just stay home where no one has to look at me.
WAYNE: You shouldn’t hide your natural beauty from the world.
ANNA: So, you drink alone at home. What do you do while you drink alone?
WAYNE: I think about what I would say to people who would listen to me. But no one will listen to me because they don’t understand me. That is why I drink.
ANNA: Well, WAYNE, do you feel pain because you got drunk and fell, or do you get drunk because you feel pain? I think you drink too much because of pain, but the pain is not in your arm. It is in your mind. You drink because you got anxiety. You are just like me!
WAYNE: Well, ANNA, maybe, but I think you are beautiful. You think you are ugly because you got anxiety. Your anxiety is all in your mind. If I am just like you, then you are just like me. Can you understand me?
ANNA: I understand you. But how can you think I’m beautiful when the whole world thinks I’m ugly?
WAYNE: Mother Nature is beautiful, and she doesn’t put on makeup.
ANNA: Well, you’re right, but I never thought of it that way.
WAYNE: But you are beautiful, ANNA. I think you would not feel anxiety if you had someone to love you.
ANNA: Well, maybe, but you wouldn’t feel pain if you had someone to understand you.
WAYNE: I think we might be here a while. I am going to sit down.
ANNA: Me too!
(Both ANNA and WAYNE sit center stage on the elevator floor, facing each other with their faces about six inches apart with their legs crossed. Their knees touch each other. WAYNE pulls out the bottle while ANNA pulls out the vape pen.)
ANNA: (ANNA passes the vape pen to WAYNE) Here, have another pull off the pen.
WAYNE: (WAYNE passes the bottle to ANNA) Here, have another sip of bourbon
(ANNA takes a sip from the bottle while WAYNE takes a toke off the vape pen)
ANNA: Yuk! Oof!
WAYNE: Cough! Oof!
(They both become silent as they stare at each other)
ANNA: This music is so boring! Where’s the words to the songs?
WAYNE: Yeah! A lot of those songs have words, but we only get the music. That is called elevator music. It makes getting stuck in the elevator a little more pleasant.
ANNA: You make getting stuck in the elevator more pleasant. This music sounds like the music my grandparents used to listen to. I even remember them singing to each other while dancing around the room.
WAYNE: Hum! I remember my grandparents used to listen to this type of music while singing and dancing along. I used to sing along with them.
(The song playing on the elevator music playlist changs to an instrumental version of “I Got You Babe” originally sung by Sonny and Cher)
ANNA: Hey, WAYNE, listen, this was my grandparent’s favorite song of all times. They always played this song and sung it to each other while dancing together, swaying and bobbing to the music. I remember it like it was yesterday. When the music would start, my grandma would grab my grandpa’s hand and lead him to the floor and my grandpa would hold my grandma’s hand and spin her around under his arm, and then they would spin back around and look at each other like two old people in love. I just can’t remember the words. I was very young, but I used to sing along with them, and I knew all the words.
WAYNE: Me too! I would sing along as my grandparents sang and danced, holding hands, kissing, hugging and swaying to the rhythm of the music like they had found true love.
ANNA: I remember the words went something like, “They say were la and we la la. We won’t la la until we la”
WAYNE: “Well I don’t know la la la la, but la la la la la la la la la”
ANNA: “Babe, la la la la, la la la la”
WAYNE: “Babe, la la la la, la la la la”

ANNA: “They say la la la la the rent, before it’s earned la la la la la spent”
WAYNE: “I guess that’s so, la la la la la, la la la la of all the things we’ve got”
ANNA: “Babe, la la la la, la la la la”
WAYNE: “Babe, la la la la, la la la la”

ANNA: “I got flowers la la la”
WAYNE: “I got you la la la la”
ANNA: “And when I’m sad, la la la, and if I get scared, la la la la la. So, let them say la la la la. ‘cause I don’t care la la la la la la” (She stretches out her hand with her palms open wide.)
WAYNE: “Then put your little la in mine, la la la la la la la we can’t climb” (He grabs her hand and holds it in his).

ANNA: “Babe, la la la la, la la la la”
WAYNE: “Babe, la la la la, la la la la”

WAYNE: “la la la to hold my hand”
ANNA: “la la la la to understand”
WAYNE: “la la la la to walk with me”
ANNA: “la la la la to talk to me”
WAYNE: “la la la la to kiss good night”
ANNA: “la la la la to hold me tight”
WAYNE: “la la la la I won’t let go”
ANNA: “la la la la to love me so”

ANNA: “Babe, la la la la, la la la la”
WAYNE: “Babe, la la la la, la la la la”

(Suddenly, the elevator starts moving upward.)
WAYNE: Hey, ANNA, I think the elevator is working again. Let’s go get your pills!
ANNA: Why? Okay, let’s go.
(WAYNE climbs to his feet and grabs ANNA’s right hand with his left hand and helps her to her feet. He throws his left arm around her. She throws her right arm around him, and they exit the scene center stage right)
SCENE 3: THE DOCTORS’ WAITING ROOM
(Arm in arm, WAYNE and ANNA enter the scene from center stage left and stagger to the receptionist’s desk center stage right. The elevator music is no longer playing, but the receptionist has a radio tuned in to an oldies station. A set of chairs line the backstage wall).
ANNA: My name is ANNA, and I’m here because I got anxiety.
WAYNE: My name is WAYNE, and I’m here because I got pain.
RECEPTIONIST: Fine, please let me have your picture IDs.
(Both WAYNE and ANNA hand their IDs to the receptionist.)
RECEPTIONIST: Please, have a seat, and the doctors will be with you, shortly.
(Leaning against each other for support, ANNA and WAYNE stagger backstage to the chairs and sit next to each other. The RECEPTINOIST leaves the scene. The radio starts playing the beginning of the original version of “I Got You Babe” by Sonny and Cher with the words to the song.)
ANNA: Hey, WAYNE, listen to that song playing on the receptionist’s radio.
WAYNE: Yeah! That’s the song!
(While the introductory instrumentals to the song play but before the singing starts, ANNA stands up, grabs WAYNE’s left hand, and drags him to center stage. The singing starts, and ANNA and WAYNE begin to sway and bob to the rhythm of the music and start singing along center stage like they knew every word to the song. ANNA’s, long, black hair flows through the air, brushing WAYNE’ s smiling face as they both continues to sing along.)
ANNA “They say we’re young and we don’t know we won’t find out until we grow”
WAYNE: “Well I don’t know if all that’s true ’cause you got me, and Baby I got you”

ANNA: “Babe, I got you babe I got you babe”
WAYNE: “Babe, I got you babe I got you babe”

ANNA: “They say our love won’t pay the rent before it’s earned, our money’s all been spent”
WAYNE: “I guess that’s so, we don’t have a pot but at least I’m sure of all the things we got”

ANNA: “Babe, I got you babe I got you babe”
WAYNE: “Babe, I got you babe I got you babe”

WAYNE: “I got flowers in the spring, I got you to wear my ring”
ANNA: “And when I’m sad, you’re a clown, and if I get scared, you’re always around”
ANNA: “So let them say your hair’s too long ’cause I don’t care, with you I can’t go wrong”
WAYNE: “Then put your little hand in mine. there ain’t no hill or mountain we can’t climb”

ANNA: “Babe, I got you babe I got you babe”
WAYNE: “Babe, I got you babe I got you babe”

WAYNE: “I got you to hold my hand”
ANNA: “I got you to understand”
WAYNE: “I got you to walk with me”
ANNA: “I got you to talk with me”
WAYNE: “I got you to kiss goodnight”
ANNA: “I got you to hold me tight”
WAYNE: “I got you, I won’t let go”
ANNA: “I got you to love me so”
ANNA: “Babe, I got you babe I got you babe”
WAYNE: “Babe, I got you babe I got you babe”

(The song ends. ANNNA and WAYNE, hugging, gaze into each other’s eyes with their faces almost touching each other. The receptionist returns to the waiting room)
RECEPTIONIST: ANNA, the psychiatrist is ready to see you now for your anxiety. WAYNE, the orthopedic is ready to see you now for your pain.
ANNA: I don’t got anxiety!
WAYNE: I don’t got pain!
ANNA: (She points at WAYNE) I got you!
WAYNE (He points at ANNA) I got you!

(Arm in arm, ANNA and WAYNE leave center stage right)

WORKS CITED
Sonny and Cher, I Got You, Babe, (1965)